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Warning! Thinking about reaching out to that old flame from high school or college on social media.......DON'T! Or at least don't without reading this post! Recently I have had several lients who have run into major problems in their marriage. In what started as a completely innocent Facebook or Instagram "Like" of an old boyfirend or girlfriend has sent couples into a horrible spiral of doubt and mistrust. When you're in the middle of raising kids and your marriage is on autopilot, a "like" from an old flame can cause a surge of old adolescent emotions. Getting recognition of any kind feels great. The problem is that once messaging starts and a spouse inadvertently finds them, they don't know what to think about it. I've sat with couples who have experienced this and worst case scenarios play out with great imagination. The spouse can wonder, "Maybe they still secretly love this person", "Maybe they were reaching out hoping for something more". And unfortunatly, sometimes it does lead to more. Let me encourage you that the temporary surge of old emotions or getting your ego boosted is not worth the possible years of anguish that can come to your family. The people who participate in the messaging of old flames often confess that it was completely innocent. Most of the time, it was never the intention to be more than just say "hi". But convincing the spouse of this is not so easy. If you find yourself in this situation, my advice is to tell your spouse first. Make sure they know, make sure they are "ok" with it. And if you do reach out with your spouse's knowledge, also let them know of any further communication that takes place. Trust me, it's so worth it! Let me wn from a different source.
Becoming a step-parent is HARD. I'd love to offer practical advice for your specific needs.
A resource that I often recommend to clients is 'Boundaries' by Dr. Henry Cloud. This book provides a comprehensive framework for understanding and implementing healthy emotional limits. Many individuals struggle with saying "no", often believing it is unkind or inappropriate. However, setting clear boundaries is not only necessary, but essential for maintaining emotional well being. It has been a lifelong journey for me to learn healthy Boundaries. I believe Southern hospitality and Southern traditions can make it even more difficult to embrace the idea of boundaries. We are taught from an early age to be kind and giving. After all, doesn't the Bible teach us to be selfless? While these ideals are good and virtuous, they need limits and balance. If we keep saying "yes" to everything and eveyone, we wear ourselves out and have no energy to commit to the things that are most important in our lives. The Bible also teaches that we are to be good stewards of the things to which we have been entrusted. Developing strong boundaries is a process. "Boundaries" offers practical guidance and real-world examples to help navigate implementing your own boundaries. Its practical approach equips readers with the tools needed to establish and maintain healthier, more fulfilling relationships. If you're ready to start learning how to find balance in your life and learn how to say "no" without feeling guilt, call me and let's get started.
