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The holiday season is often described as “the most wonderful time of the year”—but for many of us, it’s also the most overwhelming. Between social expectations, financial pressures, disrupted routines, and the emotional weight of family dynamics, it’s no surprise that this time of year can feel complicated. If you’re navigating stress, mixed feelings, or simply trying to stay grounded, here’s a gentle guide to help you move through the season with more ease and intention. Acknowledge That Your Experience Is Valid Not everyone feels joyful during the holidays, and that’s okay. Maybe you’re missing someone, recovering from a tough year, or just not in the celebratory mood. Give yourself permission to feel what you feel—no guilt, no pressure. Remember, y our emotional experience doesn’t have to match the greeting card version of the holidays. Set Boundaries (And Actually Keep Them) The holiday calendar can fill up fast. Before you know it, every weekend is booked and you’re running on fumes. Boundaries help! Here are some suggestions on what boundaries might look like for this holiday season. Say “I’m not able to make it this time” when needed. Set financial limits for gifts and stick to them. Take breaks during family gatherings, no, really, it's ok! Boundaries sometimes feel "mean", but it is crucial to realize they aren’t about shutting people out—they’re about staying well. Define What the Holidays Mean to You Traditions don’t have to be inherited—they can be created. Just because your family has always done things a certain way, doesn't mean you have to. Ask yourself: What actually brings me joy? What do I want this season to feel like? What can I let go of this year? What defines your holidays might be a cozy movie night, volunteering, a simple dinner with people you love, or an unplugged weekend. You get to choose. Prepare for Emotional Triggers Family gatherings can stir up old dynamics or unresolved feelings. While you may not master them this holiday, you can start! Here are some things that I have found to be helpful. 1. Have a code word or signal to your spouse or trusted family member if you are feeling triggered or overwhelmed so that they can step in and help you. 2. Plan an exit strategy if things get tense. You don't have to stay in an uncomfortable situation. 3. Check in with yourself before and after gatherings. 4. Once things settle down after the holidays, go over things that didn't go well. Make a log of things you don't want to do again next year, or how you want to do things differently. The holidays don’t have to be perfect to be meaningful. This may be the Christmas that you start making changes that will allow you to eventually feel like you own your holiday. You don’t need to do everything, be everywhere, or feel a certain way. What matters most is finding what feels manageable, nourishing, and true to who you are. Here’s to a season filled with gentleness, intention, and moments of genuine peace. And, if you need help navigating any of these points, I'd be happy to help.

Thinking About Reaching Out to an Old Flame on Social Media? Read This First. We need to talk about something I’m seeing more and more in marriage counseling sessions today: social media reconnecting people with their past—and quietly damaging their present. Warning signs often start small. A simple Facebook “like,” an Instagram reaction, or an unexpected friend request from an old high school or college boyfriend or girlfriend. What feels harmless in the moment can quickly snowball into doubt, mistrust, and emotional turmoil for couples. In the last several months, I’ve worked with multiple clients whose marriages were shaken because of what began as “innocent” interactions with old flames online. What seemed like a harmless click led to painful assumptions, anxiety, and in some cases—real emotional or physical affairs. Why Something So Small Feels So Big When you’re deep in the day-to-day responsibilities of raising children, juggling careers, and maintaining a household, marriage can easily slip into autopilot. So when an old flame notices you—even with a simple “like”—it can trigger a flood of nostalgic emotions. That recognition feels good. It reminds you of a younger version of yourself—carefree, admired, exciting. But here’s the problem: Once the messages begin and your spouse discovers them, they often don’t know what to think. I’ve sat with couples as worst-case scenarios build rapidly: “Do they still have feelings for this person?” “Are they unhappy with me?” “Were they secretly hoping this would become something more?” And unfortunately, sometimes innocent conversation does drift into something deeper. Emotional intimacy can grow quietly and subtly—often before you even realize it’s happening. The Short-Term Ego Boost Is Not Worth the Long-Term Damage This is the part people don’t think about until it’s too late. Many clients admit they never intended anything inappropriate. They simply enjoyed the nostalgia, the attention, the moment of feeling seen. But convincing a spouse of that is not easy. The trust that took years to build can be shaken in an instant. What starts as a private message can lead to: emotional affairs painful confrontation s deep insecurity long-term trust issues and in the worst cases—separation or divorce The temporary ego boost is not worth the possible years of hurt, confusion, and emotional recovery your family may have to endure. If You’re Considering Reaching Out—Do This First If you find yourself wanting to reconnect with someone from your past, here’s the best advice I can give as a marriage counselor: 1. Tell your spouse first. Transparency is your strongest protection against misunderstanding. 2. Make sure your spouse is genuinely comfortable with it. Don’t assume—ask directly. 3. If communication does occur, keep your spouse informed. This maintains trust and prevents secrecy from creeping in. 4. Set clear boundaries together. Healthy marriages thrive on shared expectations, especially regarding social media and outside relationships. 5. Reflect on why you feel the urge to reconnect. Are you stressed? Lonely? Missing your old self? These feelings are normal—and they can be addressed within your marriage in healthy, strengthening ways. Trust me, the peace in your home and the stability in your relationship are worth far more than a momentary rush of nostalgia. Strengthening Your Marriage Starts With Honest Communication If you’re already dealing with mistrust or conflict caused by an old flame—or any social media issue—please know that you’re not alone. Many couples face this challenge, and with the right support, healing is possible. A marriage can come back even stronger when couples learn how to: rebuild trust strengthen emotional connection set healthy boundaries communicate openly navigate social media together If you need help working through this, I'm here to support you every step of the way.

Becoming a step-parent is HARD. I'd love to offer practical advice for your specific needs.